Liberty, one. I miss hanging out randomly, with half strangers and inconsequential conversations. I miss driving aimlessly through the night, watching the moon float in the sky, see the clouds waft to signal time passing. Showing up at a friend's house without warning and going out for a quick drink in the middle of nowhere. Turning a failed planned event into something incredible and foreign. I miss not counting seconds, not worrying about schedules or fares, and staying awake through quiet nights for simply nothing. It isn't so much that I've lost freedom, rather that the time I have has been taken up by other responsibilities.
Reality has become a series of trajectory figments flitting around in my head - what I'm thinking and feeling, disappearing into riddling fragments. I'd like to say I'm completely aware and at ease with the present (read: I'm cool, I'm fine heh), but the chaotic hurdles that's turned up of late has my mind in disarray. It's hard to really understand yourself when there are parts still swirling in a limbo of denial and post apocalyptic confusion. But one thing's for sure, regarding what's taking place, that there's a lot of things already slipping away.
It's such a sure sign of growing up - settling tasks, fulfilling requirements, planning meetings as opposed to just donning a pair insouciant sunglasses and facing the world come what may. It's not that I've not done anything spontaneous lately - I have, god knows, flinging caution to the wind and heading into events without preempting. The only difference is that now, I've to bank in the time again for something established and productive. That every act of happy defiance will be paid later on, at a price. Life has the tendency to knock you in the head one day, and you'll realise, not over time, but in one moment, that this is it: this is where I'm becoming an adult and I've to conduct my life according to my desired design.
Reality has become a series of trajectory figments flitting around in my head - what I'm thinking and feeling, disappearing into riddling fragments. I'd like to say I'm completely aware and at ease with the present (read: I'm cool, I'm fine heh), but the chaotic hurdles that's turned up of late has my mind in disarray. It's hard to really understand yourself when there are parts still swirling in a limbo of denial and post apocalyptic confusion. But one thing's for sure, regarding what's taking place, that there's a lot of things already slipping away.
It's such a sure sign of growing up - settling tasks, fulfilling requirements, planning meetings as opposed to just donning a pair insouciant sunglasses and facing the world come what may. It's not that I've not done anything spontaneous lately - I have, god knows, flinging caution to the wind and heading into events without preempting. The only difference is that now, I've to bank in the time again for something established and productive. That every act of happy defiance will be paid later on, at a price. Life has the tendency to knock you in the head one day, and you'll realise, not over time, but in one moment, that this is it: this is where I'm becoming an adult and I've to conduct my life according to my desired design.
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