Chronology

15. Talk about the time when you were most content in life

February: The Fisherman

There is an ethereal satisfaction and an intangible warmth in being surrounded by familiar things, or being in the presence of familiar people, familiar voices, familiar places. It's an undeniable fact that tasting the tides of living abroad independently enhances the perception towards elements that are considered 'home'. Matters once taken for granted become icons of solace, extensions of personal identity, symbols of cultural intimacy. They possess a deeper gravity as the roots of your history, more so because you are straining further away, higher into the sky. 

There was a point some time in this year, where I considered myself to be at the highest level of 'at peace', a surreal contentment that I never thought I could ever achieve at this age. I was in the middle of a forest, lying down on a rock by a waterfall, having the sun speckle onto my skin. There it was, every happiness saturated into that one single moment. I recall thinking that there was absolutely nothing that I could ever want in this life, more than what has been given to me. How perfectly blessed, how immeasurably grateful. 

March: The Fish

Once in a blue moon, the hands of fate graces you with a golden ticket. These are the points in life that become so clearly defining, the moments that could be recalled even a decade later, the ones full of either promise or regret. They could be the result of numerous sacrifices and hard work, or they could arrive unprecedented, unexpected, in a form disguised as an ordinary event. The thing about these golden tickets is that sometimes you can never quite differentiate them from the normal periods, until one day you look back and realise that the encounter has changed you significantly, and you can't quite go back to the person you were before it happened. 

I had a choice. The thing about myself and most of my choices is that, I tend to prefer throwing the cards up in the air, and letting them fall as they may. This results in a variety of outcomes. Some coming down together in a perfectly placed arrangement, others ending up in a spectacular, catastrophic mess. What they don't tell you is that when you cast the cards, you were already making a choice, the choice to gamble, the choice to take a bite. I knew the stakes. But if life was the House, you'd know that there were a couple of hidden charges and selected Terms and Conditions that you didn't figure out until after you've played. There will always be variables.  

April: The Money

The concept of light and darkness, good and evil, yin and yang, has long existed in historical and religious accounts. The absoluteness of black and white has been diffused in recent eras, especially within cultural context, to evolve into forms of "grey areas". Despite the foundations of right and wrong that we have been taught, experiences teach us that the various motives, intentions, nuances that go into one single act, renders it subtly complex. There are dimensions to every step, angles to every spoken word, different perspectives on a single occurrence that could make it both good and bad, depending on which side you're looking. 

I have an ego, a sort determined persistence that entail its share of both downfalls and strengths. It comes in multifarious hues of "never giving up" to "you're so stubborn, Sha". This multifaceted quality of character has seen me through the most wrecked, humbled moments to the highest, proudest awards. I have come to acknowledge that it is time I really find a way to taylor this ego. Because there are stances where it blinds me from what really matters, to bring focus to something else entirely. A soldier has no privilege, during the war, to figure out if he is actually fighting for the right side. It takes a lot of willpower to get out of the battlefield, become a man of power, and find the worth of your fight.  

May: The CEO

We are all taught to chase our dreams, to sprint towards the ideal life. But rarely are we presented with the idea of working extremely hard, of going through failure after failure, to get there. The boom of social media especially has increased the exposure of a simple, luxurious life under filtered suns and colourful places. The idea of spreading positivity is wonderful, but reality includes the dreary days , the mundane moments and the depressing hours. There is value in all these days. There is a credibility in undergoing each of them with the same energy as the occasions. It is a blessing to be able to immerse yourself in a moment, whether good or bad, to feel it down to your bones. 

Here's the thing. Projected ideals normally end with happily ever after, and the reality of life is normally not a single grand The End, but a series of cliched sunsets and storms, at different points throughout time. You think you know where you are or where you're going, and then life happens, you falter, and you've got to pick yourself back up. The contentment I lavished in in February had the most resonating and profound impact of reminding me that no matter how good it is, or how bad it is, there is always a possibility that anything could happen afterwards, and you've got to have your wits about you. That's how you own the House. That's how you win the war. That's how you live with the universe.