Mossy Fants

Here’s a small self truth. Growing up, I was always living in my own little world, in the fantasies and dreamy scenarios that I’d created in my imaginative mind. This stemmed from watching Disney cartoons and reading tons of fairytale books during my childhood years. The result was that I ended up with an outlook and a demeanour that was quite different than my family’s, as well my extended family’s. I never quite fit in the warm interactions, or the befitting model daughter/cousin/niece make. I was always a little off kilter, a little too strong-headed, a little too 'me'. 

Throughout my span as a child, a teen, and a young adult, I tried my best to cover and to redeem my character. This course wasn’t always successful, and I rebelled in so many creative ways. Additionally and obviously, my outlooks weren’t always the most reasonable or rational. (It takes a whole lot of maturity, perspective, and experience to look back and understand you were just a naive, silly little kid). But I was confident and convinced with who I was as a person, understanding that it may not be who my parents wished me to be, and who my extend family expected me to be. 

This is where I found solace in my friendships - in the people that I’ve cultivated through the different events and associations in which I've participated. Individuals that know me from a particular setting, for a definitive reason, all of which were an integral part of my individuality. These are the people who recognise me as the ‘me’ I presented and was comfortable being, and more importantly, accepted me with enough room and without much judgement. I lived my best and most assured version with my friends, at the same time discovering my eccentricities, weaknesses ,and flaws; understanding my own brand of self actualisation as reflected through their lenses, and not just my own. 

Through these beautiful and similarly flawed souls, through years of shared experiences and our sources of turmoil, I found the strength to progressively find middle ground in being myself with my family. I found courage to stand up for my thoughts. I found the confidence to disregard expectations. And most importantly, I found a way of doing this while not eliminating, damaging, alienating, or being overtly rude to them. It was important that I did 'me' without severing or dismissing how they did 'them'. One crucial aspect in this whole affair was the presence of respect, tolerance and patience, even if it took years. 

The more I get on with this thing call life, the more I appreciate the individuality of everyone’s journey. How mass projected experiences aren’t always the norm; how ‘picture perfect’ is often artificially packaged; how, no matter how fantastic someone has it, there’s another aspect of their life that is being sacrificed or is beyond their control. For me, one of it was family. At the end of the day, it isn’t to say that my relationship with my blood relatives is replaceable or insignificant, it just means  that sometimes, family takes a lot of work. It's time, and I'm looking forward to working on my bond with my bloodline.