A postcard from Oval Damansara, 9 July 2020
The barest of truths lie in the fact that I have not felt this disconnected or at loss with myself in a while (and if we were to be exact, perhaps 4 years). The strings that tie up my sense of self has become loosened, and in its place, dire as it is to admit, feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, and dissatisfaction. The most interesting thing about this particular junction is that there are forces currently arranging events that are beyond my control, and I am caught in their ever-changing wave of developments. It's an every day venture of trying to paddle above the surface and not drown.
The good news is of two things. One, that I am able to at least, rationally recognize that I need space to heal, to feel, and to be myself. That I have caught mental lashings from these unfolding which must be addressed, and to not shut them away to fester into some psychological fun fair. Two, is that there is a growing sense of control, or exhilaration, of excitement, at the idea of this trajectory of growth. Change either happens gradually over time, or they are forced into being by a catalyst of chaos. I'm slowly realising that this period of time is probably the best for the latter.
Deep down inside, I'm holding on tight to the notes from the universe - it's constant reminders of patience, grace, and faith. It will all come together.
The barest of truths lie in the fact that I have not felt this disconnected or at loss with myself in a while (and if we were to be exact, perhaps 4 years). The strings that tie up my sense of self has become loosened, and in its place, dire as it is to admit, feelings of insecurity, worthlessness, and dissatisfaction. The most interesting thing about this particular junction is that there are forces currently arranging events that are beyond my control, and I am caught in their ever-changing wave of developments. It's an every day venture of trying to paddle above the surface and not drown.
The good news is of two things. One, that I am able to at least, rationally recognize that I need space to heal, to feel, and to be myself. That I have caught mental lashings from these unfolding which must be addressed, and to not shut them away to fester into some psychological fun fair. Two, is that there is a growing sense of control, or exhilaration, of excitement, at the idea of this trajectory of growth. Change either happens gradually over time, or they are forced into being by a catalyst of chaos. I'm slowly realising that this period of time is probably the best for the latter.
Deep down inside, I'm holding on tight to the notes from the universe - it's constant reminders of patience, grace, and faith. It will all come together.
Love,
Sha
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