A part of me feels like I'm sinking into mediocrity.
It's a big bite of the humble pie to contend with your flawed, human self. The existential baggage that's arrived with my age (and the lack of "exciting" events) have turned me into a container of perturbation. It’s one of those state of calculating the odds of trajectory before actually launching, analysing all the ways in which your endeavour could collapse or rise. I'm able to keep the more dramatic and negative tides of thought at bay through rigorous anchoring. After all your thoughts and feelings are not necessarily your encompassing reality.
Some issues I'm ruminating over:
1) Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was - but then again, does it really matter?
2) Will you ever really get over feeling second best? It's an alien feeling to me. This is truly an unfortunate bag of hubris.
3) How much of being 'there' do you need to be for someone? Does your love for them diminish if you don't have the mental energy to deal with them?
4) How do I get where I want to be? This, the ever ongoing question.
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