Long lost letters

 I just want to relate that, the best of us, face the hardest of times sometimes. But know, that they are no excuses for us to give up. There's enough time, and enough chances in this world for it to work out in the end and for us to make up for every weakness and every failure, and live to see the other side. 

People always think that the prettiest girls with the best results and the coolest friends and the most cool talent have the best lives. They always think of happy every afters and fairytale dances. Truth is that, a lot of it, despite being real, comes with a lot of hard work, a lot of self doubt, and a lot of self conviction. There's a need for self assurance at every corner, and it's harder when people think that you're already fine as you are, and who are you to need comfort anyway - there are people worse off. True, there are, but that doesn't mean that your issues should be belittled, or that you're in the wrong, or that you're at fault, or that you don't deserve to have what you need. 

I just want to relate that, I've had nights, and even the brightest days, where I crunch up into a ball on my bed, where I sit underneath the shower head, contemplating and wrenching my heart out at all that is wrong with me, at all that doesn't fit in where I am, crying out in muted furor for someone, anyone, to come save me. The bout passes and I calm down and carry on a couple of hours later, but my energy would have been spent, and my soul would have been, even if a little, scarred. And it feels like there's a glass wall between the world and I, and everything that happens on the other side is a sort of happiness and contentment that I can't touch. And people would look at me and think: you have everything, obviously you're not alone, get a grip. 

The self insecurity sometimes eats me alive. The responsibilities I have to tackle, at times, overwhelms and devours me whole. 

The only thing, that gets me by, honestly, is time. I'd love to share a 5 step quick n easy self actualization-awesomeness technique, but the truth is, there aren't any. The best way to become whole is to find the pieces of yourself and build them with your own strength, be happier, be stronger, let the things that don't matter in the picture, go, let them go, and not worry so much, too much. It sounds like a cliche but it's a cliche because it is true, that you're happy when you, at the end of the day, make peace with yourself. I, myself, am still trying, I know the journey is a long way to go. But on my part, I'm accepting that I'm everchanging, that I'll always be flawed, but I have parts of me that are amazing as well. And I'm going to try and focus on how to be amazing. 

I wrote this letter to an acquaintance back in 2012.

It's four years down the road and the sentiments of these words written by a twenty year old trying to comfort another being still echoes and stands. These past years since this e-mail have come with it more glory and more burden than I could have ever imagined, which goes to show, it's always wise to have your feet planted on both sides of the spectrum, firmly.